Your Weekly Horoscope (Written by Someone Who’s Home Sick)

Welcome to your Weekly SuperGlooze Horoscope!

I got sent home from work for “puking” in the “bathroom” and now must distract myself from thoughts of all the money I cannot afford to lose whilst viruses wreak havoc on my poor, delicate flesh vehicle. Hence, your horoscopes:

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Grief and My New Diet

I want to be healthy. Oh I’m sorry, I meant I want to look good in the new high waisted bikini I bought this summer. My current repertoire of fast food breakfast and improv games as an exercise form doesn’t really seem to be a slimming regimen so it’s time to make a change. The fitness bloggers I follow on Twitter are always talking about how diet is so so so important to this new lifestyle change I’m making so maybe it’s time I really give it a try. I’ll meal prep for at least a week. I’ll buy stuff to make smoothies and I’ll definitely make at least one. I’ll sit next to a salad at lunch. Introducing the Kübler-Ross model and my new diet.

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