Dating apps are tough! I’ve tried them all. My friends told me I was too picky on Tinder when I said I didn’t like getting a dick pic before we’d even exchanged casual pleasantries! They said getting a dick pic is the new calling card, and at least you know what you’re getting into, but I gotta be honest, I’m not into light sexual harassment. So we decided bumble was the solution, women get to send the first message and then guys decide if they want to respond! So at least I’d get to say hi before getting a big ol sausage in my face right? So I joined, and I sent 347 messages that just said “Hi 🙋🏼” cute right? But out of 347 accounts, only two replied! Admittedly, some of them could be bots so we’ll put it at 325 messages being ignored, conservatively. Have you ever been rejected by 325 people all at once? Well I have and I’m here to say it sucks. But I’m happy to say I have found true love. Was it one of the 2 responses? No, those were both dick pics. I accidentally clicked on a different bumble when I was checking my messages, one thing led to another and lo and behold I’m in love with Bumble the abominable snow man from the stop motion Rudolph holiday special. We’re visiting his parents at the North Pole this fall.
After careful reflection, I’ve realized that every man I’ve dated has owned a record player and honestly, that is where the similarities end. What does this mean? Is there a cosmic meaning or message hidden in the spinning vinyl? Let’s discuss. Continue reading “Every Man I’ve Dated Owns a Record Player. What Does That Say About Me?”
Twelve angry men all together in the same room? Don’t mind if I do! Am I right, ladies? Here are all the jurors from the classic film 12 Angry Men ranked from Hottest to Nottest. 😉
Continue reading “The Jurors From 12 Angry Men, Ranked by Hotness”
When you’re perpetually single, sometimes, inexplicably, friends will come to you for dating advice. I’ve put together some advice I’ve given my friends over the years that I think may help you (and them!) out.
Continue reading “Some Relationship Advice, From Me, Your Friend Who Has Been Single For Six Years”
Losing sleep wondering if the cute guy you’ve had your eye on is attracted to me? We’ve all been there! Fortunately, it’s not as hard as you think to figure out whether a man is sexually interested in me. Here are a few simple tells.
Continue reading “7 Signs He’s Attracted to Me”
It happened again, instead of having an actual conversation with my significant other, I spent thirty minutes googling solutions to our conflict, and then I just texted a casual response. This exchange really got me thinking, what did people do before they could google stupid relationship problems or personal issues? Ask other people? Give up? People are all about eating paleo, but why not try dating paleo!
Continue reading “Eating Paleo? Try Dating Paleo!”
You’ve found yourself in a tricky situation. Maybe it’s the end of a bad date and you awkwardly offered to let the guy come up for a cup of tea, falsely assuming he would pick up on hints and decline the offer, or maybe you’re just not in the mood. The fact of the matter is, there’s someone over and you definitely DON’T want to bone tonight. Instead of having the awkward conversation, or just straight up kicking him out, let the music set the mood.
I present to you my playlist of songs scientifically proven to decrease your sex drive, and a formula for creating your own.
Continue reading “Crafting the Perfect Anti-Sex Playlist”
Red flags. They pop up in every relationship – usually quite early on, like when you’re minding your own business at work, wearing a classic Diane von Furstenberg wrap-dress, and in walks a nicely dressed man who is intent to woo you. Now, Betsy, think about it… what kind of man walks in off the street and says “Hey! I saw you from my cab and thought that you were hot and would you like to go to dinner? I won’t take “no” for an answer.” Betsy, a weirdo does shit like that. I know you’re slightly scared and slightly charmed, but seriously, you should listen to your Wellesley-groomed instincts and just say no to the guy.
Continue reading “Love Lessons brought to you by Taxi Driver”