Your Weekly Horoscope (Written by Someone Who Is Very Sad and Tired)

Welcome to your weekly SuperGlooze horoscope! Wow, things are Not Great here in the United States right now. I am sure that you, like me, are feeling devastated and powerless in response to the many recent violent tragedies. It’s important for us to remember our strengths in these times and how we can do the most good.

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Your Weekly Horoscope (Written by Someone Who Just Watched Every Movie Trailer)

Welcome to your weekly SuperGlooze horoscope! I’ve just emerged from a wormhole in which I watched at least a hundred movie trailers. I don’t know what happened. I don’t even watch that many movies. Anyway, here’s your things:

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Your Weekly Horoscope (Written by Someone Going on Vacation This Week)

Welcome to your Weekly SuperGlooze Horoscope!

I have three (THREE!!) more days until I get to tell work to suck it and get out of town for an extended weekend, and I can hardly wait. Vacation season is now upon us, so here are your astrological travel tips.

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Your Weekly Horoscope (Written by Someone Who’s Home Sick)

Welcome to your Weekly SuperGlooze Horoscope!

I got sent home from work for “puking” in the “bathroom” and now must distract myself from thoughts of all the money I cannot afford to lose whilst viruses wreak havoc on my poor, delicate flesh vehicle. Hence, your horoscopes:

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Your Weekly Horoscope (Written by Someone Who Hasn’t Seen the New Game of Thrones Yet)

Welcome to your Weekly SuperGlooze Horoscope!

Look, I told myself I wasn’t allowed to watch the new Game of Thrones episode on HBO Now until after I finished writing your horoscopes for this week. It’s all I can think about, so let’s stop wasting time and get this done, already! 

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Your Weekly Horoscope (Written by Someone Who Can’t Stop Listening to ANTi)

Welcome to your Weekly SuperGlooze Horoscope!

I’ve been told that there are other musics not by Rihanna and not released on the album ANTi. I’ll believe it when I see it! In completely unrelated news, here are your horoscopes for the week:

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