I said “Hi!” To 347 Guys on Bumble and Only 2 Messaged me Back

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Dating apps are tough! I’ve tried them all. My friends told me I was too picky on Tinder when I said I didn’t like getting a dick pic before we’d even exchanged casual pleasantries! They said getting a dick pic is the new calling card, and at least you know what you’re getting into, but I gotta be honest, I’m not into light sexual harassment. So we decided bumble was the solution, women get to send the first message and then guys decide if they want to respond! So at least I’d get to say hi before getting a big ol sausage in my face right? So I joined, and I sent 347 messages that just said “Hi 🙋🏼” cute right? But out of 347 accounts, only two replied! Admittedly, some of them could be bots so we’ll put it at 325 messages being ignored, conservatively. Have you ever been rejected by 325 people all at once? Well I have and I’m here to say it sucks. But I’m happy to say I have found true love. Was it one of the 2 responses? No, those were both dick pics. I accidentally clicked on a different bumble when I was checking my messages, one thing led to another and lo and behold I’m in love with Bumble the abominable snow man from the stop motion Rudolph holiday special. We’re visiting his parents at the North Pole this fall.

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Every Man I’ve Dated Owns a Record Player. What Does That Say About Me?

After careful reflection, I’ve realized that every man I’ve dated has owned a record player and honestly, that is where the similarities end. What does this mean? Is there a cosmic meaning or message hidden in the spinning vinyl? Let’s discuss. Continue reading “Every Man I’ve Dated Owns a Record Player. What Does That Say About Me?”

Rejected Sex Tips From Cosmo Magazine

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Cosmopolitan Magazine is known for it’s outrageous and often over-the-top sex tips, so it’s pretty dang ridiculous that they deemed these ones that I pitched to be “unsuitable for any human.” Let’s take a look at some of my rejected advice.

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Some Relationship Advice, From Me, Your Friend Who Has Been Single For Six Years

When you’re perpetually single, sometimes, inexplicably, friends will come to you for dating advice. I’ve put together some advice I’ve given my friends over the years that I think may help you (and them!) out.

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Continue reading “Some Relationship Advice, From Me, Your Friend Who Has Been Single For Six Years”

Woman Committed to Dating Herself Can’t Handle the Emotional Baggage 

Stamford native Rachel Barstow announced late last year she was done dating other people and was going to focus on herself. “I got tired of being constantly let down, ghosted on and forgotten,” she said late Sunday. “I figured the only person good enough for me was me!”

Continue reading “Woman Committed to Dating Herself Can’t Handle the Emotional Baggage “

Cute Phrases that Negate Your Feelings and Make You Seem Dateable

Dating in today’s fast-paced constantly communicating world can be a minefield of mixed messages and wrong impressions. It doesn’t get any easier months into a new relationship. You have to toe the line between superchill chick while still maintaining the burden of having feelings. Luckily, with a few key phrases you can let him know your feelings aren’t that big of a deal and he’ll still want to take you to pound town later!

Continue reading “Cute Phrases that Negate Your Feelings and Make You Seem Dateable”

Eating Paleo? Try Dating Paleo!

 

It happened again, instead of having an actual conversation with my significant other, I spent thirty minutes googling solutions to our conflict, and then I just texted a casual response. This exchange really got me thinking, what did people do before they could google stupid relationship problems or personal issues? Ask other people? Give up? People are all about eating paleo, but why not try dating paleo!

Continue reading “Eating Paleo? Try Dating Paleo!”

Crafting the Perfect Anti-Sex Playlist

You’ve found yourself in a tricky situation. Maybe it’s the end of a bad date and you awkwardly offered to let the guy come up for a cup of tea, falsely assuming he would pick up on hints and decline the offer, or maybe you’re just not in the mood. The fact of the matter is, there’s someone over and you definitely DON’T want to bone tonight. Instead of having the awkward conversation, or just straight up kicking him out, let the music set the mood.

I present to you my playlist of songs scientifically proven to decrease your sex drive, and a formula for creating your own.

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Love Lessons brought to you by Taxi Driver

 

Red flags. They pop up in every relationship – usually quite early on, like when you’re minding your own business at work, wearing a classic Diane von Furstenberg wrap-dress, and in walks a nicely dressed man who is intent to woo you. Now, Betsy, think about it… what kind of man walks in off the street and says “Hey! I saw you from my cab and thought that you were hot and would you like to go to dinner? I won’t take “no” for an answer.” Betsy, a weirdo does shit like that. I know you’re slightly scared and slightly charmed, but seriously, you should listen to your Wellesley-groomed instincts and just say no to the guy.

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