“You Look Tired.” “Thanks, It’s My Chronic Pain”

In April of this year, I went to my doctor’s office. I thought I had a UTI. I knew the symptoms; I’d been getting them since I was 16, long before I was sexually active, but no doctor had ever told me it could be anything else.


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How to Actually Be Helpful Today

Today, we watch a man become the 45th president of the United States, a man who has insulted us, threatened us, mocked us, and still people voted for him. 53% of white women who voted, voted for him. Voted for Donald Trump, reality star. 53% of white women, white women that I know, white women who are just like me, voted for him.  53% of women who look like me said “grab her by the pussy? Okay by me!” So, how do we be helpful?

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On Adele and Having It All


My apartment is kind ofnice. I bought these matching Gordon Ramsey dishes. I re-covered my great aunt’s sofa with this really nice gray fabric so it looks like you could’ve bought it at Urban Outfitters, instead of inheriting it from her when she moved into a nursing home. But I didn’t buy it at Urban Outfitters because I’m a responsible consumer. In fact, responsible is really my definitive adjective. I have a dog that I feed and keep vaccinated. I take her on walks, and if I can’t take her on walks I pay for doggie day care. I have a goddamn 401k. My parents are proud of me.

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What The LGBTQ Community Doesn’t Need From Straight Allies

In the aftermath of the devastating hate crime recently committed in Orlando, it is more important than ever that straight allies to the LGBTQ community offer their support. It is also increasingly clear to me that many, perhaps even most, straight allies are in need of some guidance on how to provide support in a respectful and effective way.

So. What do we NOT need from you right now? What do we need you to stop doing? This isn’t going to be particularly pleasant for either of us, so let’s rip this band-aid off, shall we?

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My Mom Hasn’t Stopped Crying

My mom hasn’t stopped crying since Sunday.
She is the mom to three kids, and a mom at heart to many more.
One of her three kids is lgbtq,
one of her kids is always in danger, simply for existing, for walking out the door.

My mom hasn’t stopped crying since Sunday.
I honestly don’t blame her.
Some things are so sad that all the tears in the world can’t save them.
Some things are so bad that all the love in the world can’t dissuade them.

My mom hasn’t stopped crying since Sunday.
She’s been holding all their faces in her heart.
She sees their faces every day in her kids.
All their deaths are tearing her apart.

My mom hasn’t stopped crying since Sunday.
She was thinking how far we had come.
How far she herself has come.
And now instead of hope, all she feels is numb.

My mom hasn’t stopped crying since Sunday,
and I hope the world weeps with her.
That we hold each other and move forward, stronger, louder, all together.

I haven’t stopped crying since Sunday.

Author’s note: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-help-orlando-shooting_us_575eb266e4b0e39a28ae14ee


Sorry That All The Advice I Gave You Was Stuff I Needed To Hear Myself

You came to me as a friend in a time of need. Maybe because I seem like a well adjusted person? Or maybe because I was just around? And instead of listening to you, I half listened and gave you the advice I needed to hear myself, isn’t that always the case. So here’s what I said, because if I needed to hear it and you needed to hear it, maybe someone else needs to hear it too.

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Why Aren’t You Drinking? An FAQ

“Ashley, why aren’t you drinking at the party?”

Oh, wow, I’m so glad you asked! Let me refer you to this handy FAQ! (Frustrating Alcoholism Questions) Each Q has a “Comfortable A” if you would like an easy, superficial answer and a “Truthful A” if you want raw, unvarnished honesty. Take your pick!

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