I said “Hi!” To 347 Guys on Bumble and Only 2 Messaged me Back


Dating apps are tough! I’ve tried them all. My friends told me I was too picky on Tinder when I said I didn’t like getting a dick pic before we’d even exchanged casual pleasantries! They said getting a dick pic is the new calling card, and at least you know what you’re getting into, but I gotta be honest, I’m not into light sexual harassment. So we decided bumble was the solution, women get to send the first message and then guys decide if they want to respond! So at least I’d get to say hi before getting a big ol sausage in my face right? So I joined, and I sent 347 messages that just said “Hi 🙋🏼” cute right? But out of 347 accounts, only two replied! Admittedly, some of them could be bots so we’ll put it at 325 messages being ignored, conservatively. Have you ever been rejected by 325 people all at once? Well I have and I’m here to say it sucks. But I’m happy to say I have found true love. Was it one of the 2 responses? No, those were both dick pics. I accidentally clicked on a different bumble when I was checking my messages, one thing led to another and lo and behold I’m in love with Bumble the abominable snow man from the stop motion Rudolph holiday special. We’re visiting his parents at the North Pole this fall.


Every Man I’ve Dated Owns a Record Player. What Does That Say About Me?

After careful reflection, I’ve realized that every man I’ve dated has owned a record player and honestly, that is where the similarities end. What does this mean? Is there a cosmic meaning or message hidden in the spinning vinyl? Let’s discuss. Continue reading “Every Man I’ve Dated Owns a Record Player. What Does That Say About Me?”

Five Items From My Etsy Store That Won’t Help You Get Rid of Vampires

It’s a maker’s world out there and I’m just living in it! My etsy shop offers a wide array of products for the animal friendly, the mildly depressed, the independent thinkers, and almost anyone that needs some craft goods. However, I really, really need to state that none of the items in my Etsy store will help you get rid of vampires. I am not a vampire slayer and if anyone asks I don’t know how to get rid of vampires!



Continue reading “Five Items From My Etsy Store That Won’t Help You Get Rid of Vampires”