DEAR SILVR, WEEK 4: Life Hacking Champagne Bottles

Dear Everyone,

Yet another person (@zsinjeh) has requested I provide a life hack regarding opening champagne bottles. I’ve wanted to help readers with this one for a while, but I never know enough about them to provide the appropriate champagne bottle life hack. Therefore, I have created a quiz which will determines which life hack is best for you. Have fun, and don’t forget to submit your success stories in the comments!

Close-up-of-explosion-of-champagne-bottle-cork2

 

Sincerely,
Silvr

DEAR SILVR: WEEK 2

I’ve Helped You Before, and Now I’m Doing It Again


Throughout my life, I’ve learned some valuable lessons, which have helped me grow as a person, and answer life’s difficult questions. Because I believe others could benefit from my knowledge and experiences, I’ve reached out to the internet, hoping to advise people whose greatest challenges have arisen. All questions were submitted anonymously, and the authors shall remain anonymous. Continue reading “DEAR SILVR: WEEK 2”

The History and Evolution of the Giga Pet: Where It Is Today and How it all Started, Part 1: The Idea

Giga Pets. We all have one. You are probably, feeding your little digital pet, or picking up its virtual feces at this very moment.  But how did this crazy invention come about, and why is it so popular? I will answer some of those questions and more, in Part 1 of the 10-part series.


Continue reading “The History and Evolution of the Giga Pet: Where It Is Today and How it all Started, Part 1: The Idea”

Old Friends: The Comprehensive Guide to Cultivating and Maintaining Adult Friendships

Friendships are easy in school. Proximity and shared interests bring people together, and lasting relationships are formed. After graduation, however, making friends, and keeping those friendships isn’t as straightforward. Some people have come up to me asking how they should navigate the complicated roads to adult friendship. Even though I have been called “this generation’s MapQuest” on more than one occasion, I don’t have the energy or the patience to give everyone in the world individual directions, so I decided to write this guide instead:

Continue reading “Old Friends: The Comprehensive Guide to Cultivating and Maintaining Adult Friendships”

DEAR SILVR: WEEK 1

Throughout my life, I’ve learned some valuable lessons, which have helped me grow as a person, and answer life’s difficult questions. Because I believe others could benefit from my knowledge and experiences, I’ve reached out to the internet, hoping to advise people whose greatest challenges have arisen. All questions were submitted anonymously, and the authors shall remain anonymous.

Continue reading “DEAR SILVR: WEEK 1”

Things I’ve Googled Part 1: How to Stop Crying

Ah the internet. It can answer just about any question.  Or you would think anyway.  I mean, a quick Google search will give you step-by-step instructions on How to Ask a Guy to Show His Muscles to You.  Although those particular instructions have been proven effective, let me assure you that Google is not right about everything.

Google does not know how to stop crying.  It doesn’t.  It thinks it does; if you ask Google “How to stop crying,” it will provide dozens of links to articles, lists, and instructions titled exactly that.  Unfortunately, those articles are full of meaningless fluff, the lists are incomplete, and you’d have more luck reading the instructions for an Ikea bookshelf – at least you’d have a fucking bookshelf!

Bing doesn’t know either, but fortunately/unfortunately I do.  So if the frequency and amount of tears you dispense does not reflect how you feel, and would like to strategically and appropriately communicate your feelings, just like many people are able to do, please read these tips:

 1.  Leave.  You think that you will be able to pull yourself together at any second, but you may be wrong. The welled up fluid in your eyes right now will have to go someplace, and most likely that place will be all over your face, in front of everyone. Don’t risk it. Plus, being in the same environment in which you were when the tears started, will remind you of whatever it was that made you upset in the first place, leading to many more tears

2.  Deal with it later.  You’re obviously still either thinking about what made you upset, or more often the case for me, thinking about the fact that people have seen you cry. You want to fix this, make things better, explain yourself. Do not attempt to do this now; you will cry more.

3.  Splash water on your face; do not look in mirror.  I repeat – do not, under any circumstance look in the mirror. If you think you won’t be able to do this task without looking into the mirror, skip this one. Seeing yourself upset will make you cry more. Do not look in the mirror.

4.  Smile.  Go somewhere private and do a huge grin; hold it for as long as possible. Do not look in the mirror. Trust me, you’re grinning – do not look in the mirror.

5.  Do something else.  Distract yourself from thinking about why you’re upset and/or that you’re crying by doing something that you like, but also takes some concentration. Whatever you choose, should have nothing to do with why or that you’re crying. For example, DO try to think of funny puns; DON’T Google, “how to stop crying”.