Why I’m Choosing to Have an All-Natural Root Canal

Ever since I got the call from the dentist that I’d be having a root canal, I’ve been spending a lot of time researching the procedure and reading other’s Root Canal Stories. After a lot of research and careful consideration, I’ve decided my Root Canal Plan will be all-natural and free from the corporate influence of Big Local Dental Anesthesia.

You may be wondering, why needlessly suffer extreme nerve pain when we have harmless, well-researched painkillers modern medicine has used for decades without issue? Well I’m a woman and we’re tough, that’s why haha! No but really, the all-natural root canal is going to teach me the exquisite beauty of suffering. When I’m in the throes of excruciating pain, I will think of the joy of having a fully-restored tooth free of infection, and I’ll know I’m making the right decision for me and my exposed tooth nerve.

Pain is beautiful. Beauty is pain. No pain no gain. No pain no pain no pain oh god this hurts more than any hurt I was previously able to fathom I pray for the sweet release of death

Top 3 Reasons You Shouldn’t Use Phrases like “Dumpster Fire” when Discussing Politics

The phrase “Train Wreck” has become so ubiquitous it has lost some of its bite.  Cue “Dumpster Fire,” an evocative phrase used to describe a total, utter, mess of a disaster.  Hillary Clinton’s campaign  recently deployed it to describe the most recent GOP presidential debate.

While you might find the comparison apt, it’s important to outline the ways in which slinging around this slur is completely unfair to dumpster fires:

  1. First and foremost, dumpster fires are, by definition, contained by the walls of the dumpster, thus prevented from spreading and destroying the country.
  2. Dumpster fires operate with a certain calm sense of dignity- which image is more likely to induce rage stroke?
CNN's subtitle writers had a hard time deciphering the GOP debate on Thursday — so they chose not to. The debate was captioned with "[unintelligible yelling]" at some point of the debate and caught by eagled eyed Twitter users during the night.
Good god why
Ahh that’s better

 

3. Finally, dumpster fires are more predictable- a steady stream of water can extinguish a dumpster fire, while nothing can extinguish the hell of the 2016 primary season we have been enduring for what seems like an eternity.

Remember, language is powerful.  The next time you want to express your political beliefs using colorful language, please do not do so at the expense of the voiceless dumpster fire.