Dating apps are tough! I’ve tried them all. My friends told me I was too picky on Tinder when I said I didn’t like getting a dick pic before we’d even exchanged casual pleasantries! They said getting a dick pic is the new calling card, and at least you know what you’re getting into, but I gotta be honest, I’m not into light sexual harassment. So we decided bumble was the solution, women get to send the first message and then guys decide if they want to respond! So at least I’d get to say hi before getting a big ol sausage in my face right? So I joined, and I sent 347 messages that just said “Hi 🙋🏼” cute right? But out of 347 accounts, only two replied! Admittedly, some of them could be bots so we’ll put it at 325 messages being ignored, conservatively. Have you ever been rejected by 325 people all at once? Well I have and I’m here to say it sucks. But I’m happy to say I have found true love. Was it one of the 2 responses? No, those were both dick pics. I accidentally clicked on a different bumble when I was checking my messages, one thing led to another and lo and behold I’m in love with Bumble the abominable snow man from the stop motion Rudolph holiday special. We’re visiting his parents at the North Pole this fall.