Oh boy, oh gee! Jason Chaffetz sure was in a rush to take away people’s health care! While Paul Ryan was dreaming of the easiest ways to kill sick Americans in college, you may have been struggling with any number of pre-existing conditions, like I don’t know… depression! Under the newest Republican bill, having a c- section, sexual assault and domestic violence all could be reasons that you’re denied health coverage. So what to do? Here are some disguises you can give your pre-existing condition in our soon to be Gilead world.
Groucho Max- a classic! Republicans will assume you’re a white man and pose no problem to their regime.
Guy Fawkes mask- edgy! Republicans will assume you could be a hacker. They’ll think you’re on their side!
Banana costume- too cute! No one would suspect a banana of being sick, bananas are healthy!
A Maxi Dress- comfortable! You can hide anything in there and that scares men! What’s she got under that floor length skirt? An army? My morals? The scary vagina from teeth? Better not find out!