No, I Didn’t Say I’m Anti Vaccine, I said I’m Anti Maxine, That Bitch From My Yoga Class

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Don’t worry, I’m not here to tell you how to raise your children. I mean, I am a pretty big supporter of science, and I think the research makes it pretty clear that vaccination works, and is the best option for both your children and the children they regularly interact with. But! I’m not here to make a political statement. I just think Maxine sucks.

Like, have you seen the way she shows up to class two minutes before it starts and somehow still weasels her way into the front row? Not cool! How does she even do that??

And also, she always wipes off her sweat off to the side so carelessly. One time it hit my arm!!! I don’t need your sweat touching my sweat, girl!

Plus, I GET IT,  you have a perfect body that seems hand crafted by the gods to properly display those spandex short shorts and neon sports bras, but there’s no need to scoff at my sweatpants and camp t-shirt from 2008. We don’t all look good in lulu lemon, asshole!

And you know what? Sometimes I just want to lie face down on the ground and pass it off as child’s pose, okay?? I don’t need your sighs of judgement that you try to pass off as a “deep breathing exercise.”

But I mean I’d still get a kombucha after class if you wanted to hang out some time. See ya same time on Thursday?

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