Hey, why did my podcast stop playing? Wait. Oh no. Oh no no no. Shoot. I’m getting a phone call.
Oh god, can they hear me through the phone right now? Can they tell I’m ignoring them? Is my jacket making too much noise?
Wow I really need to change my ring tone.
Remember having to pay for ring tones? That was wild. I can’t believe I paid money for that OKGO song on my flip phone back in 8th grade. I did chores for that song!
I really wanted someone to call me back then so I could show off my cool musical taste to Devon. I wonder if it would have made him fall in love with me. How different would my life be? Would we have been childhood sweethearts? Married by 20? Do we have kids?? Oh god, I’m not ready for this kind of commitment. I feel suffocated. I’m going to lash out and do something crazy to sabotage our relationship! I never meant for this to happen to us Devon, I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve me. I ruin everything good in my life! This is why I’ll never be happy!!!
Too bad no one ever called me back then. Man, such simpler times.
Who’s even calling me anyway? Wells Fargo? I do not give a single heck, I will go to my grave not knowing the balance of my checking account.
Dear god, how long has this been going on, 11 seconds or 94 million years?
Praise be to jesus, it has finally ended! Thank you lord! I made it through to the other side! I can go back to crushing candy.
Oh and please, don’t bother leaving a voice mail. I’m not going to listen.