We’d been texting for a few days. He’d finally asked the question, “so would you want to go get like coffee or a drink or something?” Suave. Debonair. A man who knew how to take a bumble match to a bumble date. And that’s when it happened.
I don’t mean to shock you or scare you. I’m just telling you this for your own good. You gotta be careful out there. After he asked the question, he sent me an “or dinner?” With a picture of salt bae. Wow. That meme was barely dank and it’s been normie for months. I can’t be seen responding to this kind of behavior. What kind of other memes will he try on me? Does he think I’m some kind of cave person whose never been on the internet? It’s fucking March for god sake. Then, before I could even fathom a response it happened again. Cash me Ousside. I shuddered. Oh no, my phone lit up again, another text, evil kermit, he was going through them fast now, pretty soon we’d be back to dat boi. I didn’t know what to do, block the number? Tweet it out? All across my screen, old memes, old memes, old memes. The screen went black. A message, started typing, I assume from my girl Siri, “you’re better than that.”
We never went out.
*authors note: based on a true story.