Happy Birthday, Gloozers!

Wooo! It’s hard to believe, but our lil website is already 1 year old! She’s growing up so fast (‘: and we could not be more proud of our web baby. But, as a barren, childless, hag, I was having some trouble figuring out how to celebrate such milestone.

So I did some Googling this morning:


In lieu of gifts jk we will take gifts. Here’s what I found.

Cute onesies! So okay. We may be some grown adults who probably can’t fit into that adorable dinosaur costume you saw at baby Gap. But you know what’s trendy as heck right now? DIY projects and sexy crop tops. I think you know what I’m getting at.

Teething bagels! I guess I see the appeal. I’ve always said that the best part of food is the chewing. Flavor’s overrated. Plus, you can’t get much lower calorie than a snack that you’re not actually eating! I’ll take a dozen!

Stuffed animals! I, a grown ass adult, highly endorse stuffed animals. I sleep with a dog, frog, and shark in my bed every night! How cool is that? And it’s definitely not because I’m a repressed adult clinging onto the childhood I don’t remember due to crippling anxiety, because that would be weird. It’s like your bed is a dang zoo! Sweet! Currently seeking a manatee to add to my family, of anyone has the hookup.

Baby Einstein CDs! Great for your sex playlist.

Donations towards a college fund! Will gladly accept donations for student loans. Or donations for rent. Or donations for health insurance. Or food. Or just money.

Love/Affection! Wait, this counts as a gift? Instead of buying stuff I can just tell people I love them and shit? People are into that? Not me. No thank you. I will take stuff.

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