So, you’re not going home for thanksgiving this year. It was a tough choice, but you’ve made it, and now you need some help with what to eat on thanksgiving when you aren’t going to spend it awkwardly trying to avoid talking about the election that just happened. You’ve spent the days since the election following people on twitter, retweeting, calling your reps, donating, and trying to do anything you can to cope with what just happened. Meanwhile our president-elect has spent it, sneaking away from reporters, tweeting about how musical theater nerds are bullies, bringing his kids to meetings with foreign diplomats, and oh yah settling a fraud lawsuit for $25 million dollars. So, do you microwave some ham? Do you eat an entire green bean casserole alone while you watch Gilmore girls?
1) Frozen Pad Thai from Trader Joe’s that fell behind the frozen pizza you bought yesterday. You really wanted to treat yourself with the frozen pizza, but who has the time to wait for the oven to pre-heat, you could barely tear yourself away from the new Civ game to stand in front of the microwave for three minutes.
2) Homemade Charceturie Board. If you call it a charceturie board, it sounds nicer than “rip up a baguette with your hands as you gnaw on a brick of cheddar.” Maybe slice some apples to help?
3) One Full Bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos. This is a hacky joke about our president-elect. Plus, you’ll get to watch your dog try to lick the cheeto dust off the couch, much like America will try to find any hope we can for the next four years.
4) Eggplant pizza. Instagram a photo of it afterwards, make sure you tell all your friends it “tastes just as good as the real thing!” Laugh at your hilarious prank.
5) Everything in your Refigerator. Because let’s be honest, you just don’t want to go to the nightmare that is a grocery store during the week that is thanksgiving. That is how you end up checking out after Brad, who is buying seven cases of Coors Light and all the ingredients for seven layer dip, who asks you if you’d like to join him and his friends at Golden Corral tomorrow, and then “see where that takes us.”
6) Your Own Tears. She really lost, didn’t she?