Wooooo! TGIF baby! It’s the freakin weekend and it’s time to get your mother effin drink on.
Whether you’re pre-gaming a night on the town, or staying in and having some me time, you’ve gotta get some alcohol in you, and fast. No time to go to the store? No money for fancy mixology bullshit? Here are some recipes you can make using just the contents of your refrigerator.
The College Student In a stolen dining hall glass, combine 1 parts vodka to 2 parts tap water. Garnish with a bendy straw and serve room temperature.
The My Only Friend At This Party Left To Hook Up With Neck Tattoo Guy In a red solo cup, combine 1 parts vodka to 4 parts LaCroix water from Fancy Jen’s fridge. Garnish with social anxiety. Serve fidgety.
The Bachelorette In a martini glass, combine 3 parts vodka to 2 parts water. Accessorize with 1 false eyelash, and garnish with a failed expectation of where you’d be by your mid 20s. Serve through a penis straw.
The Cat Lady In a quirky coffee mug, combine 2 parts vodka to 3 parts tap water. Serve on the rocks, garnished with pet hair.
The No Really, I Swear I’m Doing Great Now In a measuring cup, combine 5 parts vodka with a dash of water. Garnish with tears. Pairs well with an entire pizza.