Crafting the Perfect Anti-Sex Playlist

You’ve found yourself in a tricky situation. Maybe it’s the end of a bad date and you awkwardly offered to let the guy come up for a cup of tea, falsely assuming he would pick up on hints and decline the offer, or maybe you’re just not in the mood. The fact of the matter is, there’s someone over and you definitely DON’T want to bone tonight. Instead of having the awkward conversation, or just straight up kicking him out, let the music set the mood.

I present to you my playlist of songs scientifically proven to decrease your sex drive, and a formula for creating your own.


Here’s what to include:

Any Theme Song from Your Childhood Arthur, Zoom, Veggie Tales, the more nostalgic the better.

A Meme Rick Rolling, of course, is the obvious option, but feel free to mix it up with something old school, like “Trololo” or “Chocolate Rain.”

Something Sung by Children Now this could go one of two ways; for a more subtle approach, go for a children’s choir, but if you’re feeling bold head straight to the KidzBop. 

Graduation (Friends Forever) Nothing invokes memories of being in 8th grade and crying your eyes out quite like Vitamin C. Not sexy.

Something Jesus-y A gentle reminder that the lord is watching you sin.

Anything by Insane Clown Posse Except That Miracles Song That Everyone Knows Pick an ICP song that feels just as slimy, but has none of the fun novelty of knowing the words. 

The Theme from Schindler’s List Do NOT confuse this with any other of John Williams’ work. The theme from Jaws will get you horny.

That One Song From High School Choir that You Can Never Get Our of Your Head For me, it happens to be a song sung by two cats, but feel free to throw in your own flair.

A Full Podcast Let Ira Glass’s dulcet tones lull you into a sex-less heaven. 

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