Despite being raised in a culture that would have me believe that there is nothing more sinful or shameful than loving someone of the same assigned gender as yourself, I have always struggled with accepting my attraction to men more than my attraction to women. After all, it is a truth universally acknowledged that men are mostly pretty bad. Not all men, they keep telling me. Then how come I still have yet to meet a single Not-All Man, huh?
Wooooo! TGIF baby! It’s the freakin weekend and it’s time to get your mother effin drink on.
1. have both of my kidneys surgically removed, then throw them in the trash
2. never drink a Diet Coke again
3. listen to Radiohead
It happened again, instead of having an actual conversation with my significant other, I spent thirty minutes googling solutions to our conflict, and then I just texted a casual response. This exchange really got me thinking, what did people do before they could google stupid relationship problems or personal issues? Ask other people? Give up? People are all about eating paleo, but why not try dating paleo!
You’ve found yourself in a tricky situation. Maybe it’s the end of a bad date and you awkwardly offered to let the guy come up for a cup of tea, falsely assuming he would pick up on hints and decline the offer, or maybe you’re just not in the mood. The fact of the matter is, there’s someone over and you definitely DON’T want to bone tonight. Instead of having the awkward conversation, or just straight up kicking him out, let the music set the mood.
I present to you my playlist of songs scientifically proven to decrease your sex drive, and a formula for creating your own.
We all have moments when we are talked over. Maybe, we are mumbling, maybe we aren’t confident in what we are saying, maybe we have spent our whole lives being told that the things we say don’t have value because of our gender. Maybe, our whole lives have been spent making jokes only to have them repeated more loudly by men around us for more laughs, getting labeled as “annoying” instead of the “class clown” superlative he got. I’m looking at you, Steven. So what do we do? How do we fix it? Why is this on us?
Dear John, Who Works in My Building:
Red flags. They pop up in every relationship – usually quite early on, like when you’re minding your own business at work, wearing a classic Diane von Furstenberg wrap-dress, and in walks a nicely dressed man who is intent to woo you. Now, Betsy, think about it… what kind of man walks in off the street and says “Hey! I saw you from my cab and thought that you were hot and would you like to go to dinner? I won’t take “no” for an answer.” Betsy, a weirdo does shit like that. I know you’re slightly scared and slightly charmed, but seriously, you should listen to your Wellesley-groomed instincts and just say no to the guy.