You finally made it. Your Instagram account is bright and happy. Your Facebook page is perfectly curated. Every snapchat story you post has a different cool location filter. You’re really happy.
What’s the only thing that could make you happier? Rubbing it in all your dumb friends faces! Rubbing it in the face of everyone who has ever wronged you. Remember that time the subway lady asked you if you were pregnant because you were brave enough to wear a shirt with an empire waist? Check out this picture of me drinking on a patio in Barcelona, you dumb bitch! Kathy, who made you get on the floor to catch the bouquet at her wedding while “single ladies” played in the background? Did you see how many retweets my bomb ass joke about your dumb wedding got? Eat my happiness!!! My currently listening playlist on Spotify is all about how goddamn happy I am, so you can bet I have my listening set to public.
Everything’s coming up me, you twizzlesticks. Everyone knows you aren’t really happy unless everyone knows how happy you really are.