The Five Stages of Having a Crush

It sneaks up on you. Sometimes you can’t help it at all! It’s the best/worst thing.
  1.  Do I have a crush? Or did I just eat too many cheeseburger flavored Pringles. How did these even get in my house? Did I buy them? Honest to God, was I possessed at the grocery store and thought “this is good thing that I want to put in my body.” Seriously, why are they cheeseburger flavored? Why didn’t you just buy an original flavor can or maybe salt and vinegar if you were feeling wild. What was I talking about again? Avoidance.
  2. Wear your sunglasses indoors. If I never take off these sunglasses, I’ll be cool forever and I won’t ever have to look for anyone that I might possibly have a crush on. I look like I don’t give a shit. I look like cool like the Fonz. I’m hiding behind these dark frames so I don’t have to confront any real feelings that may have crept past this extra UV protection the sticker promised me.
  3.  No, no I don’t. Definitely do not. Don’t have a crush!
  4.  This seems like the perfect time to finally binge watch The Wire. Baltimore seems like it would be a good distraction. Michael B Jordan has always been so great; I could watch five seasons of him… What
  5. Fuck.




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