The start to relationships can get a little weird, a little hazy. Sometimes it’s hard to know if you’re really dating someone or if you’re just hanging out or what the H is going on! DearSilvr might be like “hey, have a serious conversation with the person you’re interested in dating!” But instead, consider this option, you can just leave stuff all over his apartment to make sure whoever comes there next knows that you own the place! writer’s note: thank you to my friend Danielle for bouncing this idea around with me.
- Bobby Pins– You don’t even have to try to do this one! They fall out of your head and scatter around the apartment like little ant soldiers sent to mark your territory all over this apartment. Make sure to leave one in his bed though so it will stick him while he’s sleeping and he’ll wake up and say, “ow! I miss you!”
- Your Bra– This one is a little tougher because it’s really hard to be like, “oops! I forgot my bra!” Also, those little suckers are expensive so you’re risking at least $40 to make this statement. The key is to be in a rush and not be able to find it! “Oops! Gotta make it to brunch with the girls by eleven! I guess I’ll just find it later” He’ll text you later and be like, “It was in the refrigerator lol” and that’s when you know he’s like putty in the palm of your hand BB!
- Your Social Security Card- Listen, if you’re not willing to risk a little identity fraud for this relationship, maybe you should reconsider if you really want to be in it at all. I suggest taping it to his mirror, that way everyday when he wakes up he’ll be reminded of you and the fact that you trust him so much that you’d leave your social security card with him. We are building a relationship here!
- Boxers with Your Face on Them- Just slip those right into his dresser. Men love when you buy them underwear! Make sure the pic is a selfie of you smiling really big so he’ll remember how happy you are all the time and how happy he is to see you.
- Framed Photoshop of You Together With Your Future Children– It’s important to make sure the children’s faces are actually the two of your faces superimposed onto one another, you can google this and it’ll come right up. “What would our future babies look like???” Make sure this photo is left in a nice frame (not that basic target line, but like the FANCY ones, look in the clearance section), and make sure the photo is on his nightstand so he has to look at it before bed every night and think of your future life together.
- A Papier-mâché Mold of Your Head– Make it look really lifelike, leave it in his closet, scare him into loving you. Here’s a youtube!
- A Vial of Your Blood and Tears Mixed Together– This way your soul is always in his apartment and he definitely can’t throw that out! It’s so romantic, yet also vaguely threatening! This is the lengths you go to for his love!
You are definitely free to live your own life and have an adult conversation with your once and maybe future partner, or you can follow my advice for real happiness. Do what you think is best!