Help! Being a Sexy Babe Is Ruining My Acting Career!

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Actress Emily Ratajkowski recently spoke out in an interview about how much she has been mistreated in the film industry because of her immense hotness. There’s been some considerable backlash, but frankly I just don’t understand it!

Some people might tell you that the reduction of an attractive woman to merely her looks is just one, comparatively minor symptom of the same pervasive misogyny that results in the routine death of women of color and trans women and the assault and abuse of women from all walks of life. They might tell you that it’s okay, constructive even, to get angry about being valued solely for your looks, but that it’s naive and probably ignorant to make it the center pillar of your feminism when so many women are dying or in peril.

Those people are total dumbfuck nobodies who don’t know squat shit. I’m here to tell you that the worst kind of discrimination is undoubtedly discrimination against sexy babes.

For example, when people look at me, all they see are my angel-crafted, sensuous rose blossom of a face and my top-notch, A1 jubblies. When they look at, say, Rebel Wilson, they see a whole human being, overflowing with intelligence, talent and value every time. So unfair!

Argue all you want, it’s simply a fact that Hollywood refuses to give serious acting roles to sexy babes like myself. I mean, just take one look at the recent actresses to win Academy Awards.

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Brie Larson? A janked-out fugslug, obviously.

85th Annual Academy Awards - Press Room

Jennifer Lawrence? Total gutterfucking crumb-bucket.

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Alicia Vikander? I heard Michael Fassbender is only dating her because he feels sorry for that dump-ass butterbody.

When you’re a sexy babe, you only get cast in these one-dimensional roles where you have to be the girlfriend to the main guy. But when you’re totally face-blasted and washed down and just really disgusting, all these amazing, fascinating roles open up such as “girl who hits on the main guy at a party and we all laugh because it’s a joke because she’s ugly” or “comic relief at the office who eats gross shit for lunch” or “mean lesbian friend”.

It’s really hard to be a sexy babe! I could out-act any of these “iconic” and “legendary” garbage stank sackbag “actresses” like Cate Blanchett, Julianne Moore or Meryl Streep. But I’ll never be given the opportunity to do so, radiant sex minion that I am. Now do you get how fucked up this is?

And to all the women out there who disagree that being a sexy babe is the hardest, most oppressive thing in the world, stop being unfeminist!!! In the words of Madeleine Albright, “There’s a special place in hell for crack-twat uggos who don’t help smokin’ ladyhunks.”

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