Create Your Own Internet Comment

Finding fresh new ways to tear down strangers on the internet is hard. Use this handy guide to help determine what your next hate-filled internet comment should be!



Listen here you

Day of Birth

  • 1-8: little
  • 9-15: dumb
  • 16-24: racist
  • 25-31: slimy

Month of Birth

  • January: cum slut!
  • February: garbage whore!
  • March: snail eater!
  • April: weenie!
  • May: jabroni!
  • June: jerk hole!
  • July: cactus!
  • August: vagabond!
  • September: weed-head!
  • October: degenerate!
  • November: human equivalent of getting the macarena stuck in your head!
  • December: tramp!

I know about your

Favorite Color

  • Red: devout Zoroastrianism.
  • Orange: addiction to Benihana.
  • Yellow: wet butt.
  • Green: bonus eyelids.
  • Blue: Mr. Pibb tattoo.
  • Purple: peanut allergy.
  • Pink: sexual attraction to bearded dragons.
  • Black: secret family in Talahassee.

I’m going to

First Initial

  • A-C: murder your dog
  • D-F: eat your family
  • G-I: bop your nosey
  • J-L: tell your dad I love him
  • M-O: bite your dick off
  • P-R: ruin your life
  • S-V: suggestively eat gogurt at your funeral
  • W-Z: infiltrate your dreams

if you

Last Initial

  • A-C: keep trying to make this a feminist issue.
  • D=F: try to vaccinate my sweet boy.
  • G-I: ever take another selfie.
  • J-L: vote for that whore Hillary.
  • M-O: vote for that whore Bernie.
  • P-R: try to get your grimy fingers on my sweet ass guns.
  • S-V: talk to me or my son ever again.
  • W-Z: keep letting the lizard people control your mind.

Hair Color

  • Blonde: Fuck you.
  • Red: Ta-Ta!
  • Black: Thanks, Obama!
  • Brown: Eat my shorts.
  • Other: BITCH !!!

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