Avocado is a super food, and if you don’t know that by now, how dumb are you?? Get your shit together with these mind blowing hacks for eating more of that sticky green stuff.
If you’re a dumbass who bought your avocados before they’re ripe, grab a paper bad and pop those bad boys in. After just 2 or 3 days of your meaningless life, your little green slimers will be the perfect guac consistency.
If your impatient ass is too damn important to wait that long, slip an apple or banana into your paper bag to speed up the process. They’ll emit ethylene gasses that promote ripening, which I bet you didn’t know, you god damn idiot.
When your garbage self forgot to think ahead and you find yourself with a little green boy on the verge of being over ripened, shove that guy in the fridge to slow down the ripening process.
For lazy mf’ers who can’t even get off their ass to do the dishes, try cracking an egg into a halved avocado and popping that sloppy sucker in the oven. A perfect breakfast with no clean up, you garbage slut.
Now that I’ve educated you imbecils, go forth and gorge your fat faces on some of god’s god damn testicles. Enjoy!