Start your run off strong. You are an independent woman; you can literally take on the entire world; you have cute leggings on and a muscle tank that says “rosé all day;” no one can stop you. “I don’t love you” by DJDS is blasting in your ears. Every step is on beat and every beat is a reminder that you don’t love him. Your steps are strong and powerful, you’re not even thinking about him. You can run all day! You’re outrunning all the problems you ever had with him! He kept you down! Running is your thing now! You’re listening to call your girlfriend and thinking about how you and Robyn are the girlfriend in the scenario and you’re just waiting for it to end, but now it’s ended and it’s over and you’re celebrating. Right??? Aren’t you???
The shuffle on your Spotify skips to “I can’t make you love me” by Bonnie Raitt. How did this get on here??? Your pace slows. The sky above has gone from a bright blue to a cloudy gray in a matter of mere seconds. The last time you hung out is suddenly creeping into your brain. The way he grabbed your hand at the exact moment the jack in the box commercial that makes you cry came on. The shirt he left at your apartment that really carries his scent of musk and stale whiskey. His face smiling out at you from the audience of your first improv show. The way he always took out your trash before he left. Quiet tears are streaming down your face now. Other joggers on the trail are looking at you and glancing away quickly, you hope people think you are sweating from your eyes. It is taking all the strength in your body not to roll into a ball on the side of the trail and never get up again because love is hard. The song changes to Selena Gomez “Same Old Love” and suddenly every angry feeling you had comes surging back into your body. It was the same old thing! Literally, you just keep dating unambitious stoners and then you’re surprised when they turn out to be unambitious stoners! Not anymore, baby!
You’re not sure if you’re really feeling empowered again or all the endorphins pumping through your body are forcing you to be in a good mood, at this point, you don’t care. You were only planning on doing a 3 mile jog but your feet have carried you far from where you started and you’ve got no idea when you’ll get back. Just kidding you’re running on the large loop trail, but it’s the spirit of the new adventure! There is a whole world to explore, you’re going to do it all, you’re going to drink more wine and go on hikes and do all the things that he didn’t like to do. You’re going to figure out who you are again.
I think I’m going to text him.