But I’m totally winning.
Exhibit A: I asked you how your week was going, and I really wanted to know. I didn’t just sit there waiting for you to shut up so I could talk about my life! It was very tough to listen to you describe how your coworker stood behind you anxiously the entire time you microwaved your lean cuisine, but I did it! Because I am a friend!
Exhibit B: I didn’t bring my boyfriend on our coffee date. He had no plans and really wanted to come but I made sure he knew this was “our time” because you are so important to me and he could come get me in exactly an hour and fifteen minutes.
Exhibit C: I picked out that hot outfit for you to wear to the bar. You look so good in it; I’m not saying you normally look bad. Just, this look is really different for you, and I just want to help you try and put yourself out there. I mean, God, you’re welcome!
Exhibit D: I cancelled on my other friend to hang out with you. Seriously, she wanted to watch Grey’s Anatomy and I was like what, that show is still on? I only watch Quantico as my hour long drama now. Priyanka Chopra is like everything I want to be. Anyway, you should feel SPECIAL.
I’m sorry that you feel the need to compare yourself to me but let’s be clear I have reached pinnacle female friendship. I’m definitely not one of those women who “can’t relate to other ladies.” I am relatable; I get it; I’m definitely winning.