I never set out to date a guy who sweats and wears a jersey for a living – sports aren’t really my thing. I mean, I love baseball, but my favorite things about baseball are cold beer, garlic fries, and getting drunk at two in the afternoon… So yeah, sports don’t really do it for me. And while I am no expert, (I’m calling it quits after dating just one pro), when it comes to my love life, I feel comfortable putting a universal ban on all athletes and here’s why:
He was never here.
Oh you’re in North Carolina tonight? I guess that means I’m going out by myself.
When he was in town, he was always too tired to do anything.
Sorry, you’d rather stay at home drinking a few brewskis than go see Ghostland Observatory on Halloween? SEE YA.
He was kind of stupid. Texting him was the absolute WORST.
While I was seriously studying for college exams, he was playing in a junior league in Alberta or somewhere. Poor grammar and spelling are serious turn offs, he could have at least TRIED to text me something resembling a sentence.
He was super high maintenance; always fishing for compliments.
Seriously dude, if I have to tell you one more time how great that play was, my brain is going to explode.
Last but definitely not least, he didn’t see me for me.
I could have been anyone – he needed constant attention and to know that he wasn’t alone out there.
While he was really pretty to look at when wearing his false teeth, I really need a man who knows the difference between “your” and “you’re.” Good luck in playoffs!
Editor’s Note: This post is a submission from HAILSTORM, whom you can find on Instagram at @hayleysdyer. Email SuperGlooze@gmail.com if you are interested in contributing.