You already KNOW that no one is allowed to talk to me until I’ve had my morning coffee!! Just one problem though… once all my coffee is consumed and I’m ready to face humanity, I have nothing to talk about! That’s right, I’m boring as heck. If you, like me, have no discernible personality outside of your kitschy memorabilia and adult toys, then it’s time to let the cups to do the talking. Here are 11 examples of how you can use your crippling caffeine addiction to functionally trick people into thinking you’re interesting.
Is there anything better than being both QUIRKY and EDGY at the same time? Show off your tough as nails personality while giving Janice from the adjoining cubicle a good chuckle.
I don’t understand humor, but I DO know how to be mean, and that’s pretty close.
This one is perfect for starting a conversatio with someone who never bothered to learn much about you! Bonus points if your ‘tiny humans’ are actually cats. OFF THE CHARTS bonus if they’re dolls!
Are you a pedantic freak? Make sure everyone knows about your superiority and your sixth grade spelling skills. They’ll think you’re smart!
This one is perfect for either a bridezilla, or a literal monster!
Oh my GOD! Do you understand this one? It’s actually a pretty clever joke. Do you need me to explain?
IT’S SO DANK. (My personality is defined by my substance abuse… maybe yours is too!)
This little beauty just screams PLEASE ARGUE YOUR BELIEFS WITH ME! Hey, any attention is good attention.
This one’s great for when you really want to relate to your boss who’s a huge pile of garbage! He’ll say he hasn’t seen anything so funny in years! You know all this laughter is causing his heartburn to act up. Another great conversation topic!
Who doesn’t love a good adventure! Make sure Tad from apartment D sees you with this so he can tell you about that time he went mountain biking in the snow. He doesn’t have to know that the farthest you’ve walked all month is that time when the Starbucks next door was closed so you went to the other one 6 blocks away.
Okay, I actually want this one. (Please ask me about my quirky interests!)