What’s a Boy to Do: A Gender-Reversed Rom-Com Screenplay, Part Two

 I will be publishing this brilliant work of pitch-perfect satire in installments as I get around to them. Please enjoy Part Two in which our protagonist, Protagonist has a significant encounter with a stranger. You can read Part One here.

PROTAGONIST awkwardly looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. He leaves the office and goes over to a small desk in a common area that has lots of desks and stuff like in Supergirl (the TV show) or Mad Men in the first office they had.

BEST FRIEND is in the next desk over. She’s wearing pants and a tie because she’s a lesbian. She’s a lesbian because diversity is important. She’s still white, though.

BEST FRIEND
You have GOT to get a new alarm clock, man. You know how many people I had to beg to get you this internship? Don’t blow this.

PROTAGONIST
I know. I’m so sorry, BEST FRIEND. I’ll get a new clock after work. You’ve always been there for me. I just hope I can return the favor someday.

BEST FRIEND
Repay me by not getting your ass fired. I’d have to blow my brains out if you did.

PROTAGONIST
You’d find a new best friend in no time. How about Asshole Andrew?

CAMERA PANS TO SOME SLOB DOING SOMETHING DUMB LIKE PICKING HIS NOSE OR SOMETHING.

BEST FRIEND
(teasingly)
Hmm now that you mention it, I bet Asshole Andrew would make a way better best friend than your sorry ass. I should take him to the Super Cool Concert tonight!

PROTAGONIST
(this is a hilarious joke and the delivery needs to be just really over the top and bonkers funny)
OKAY, now this is NOT funny anymore!!

BEST FRIEND
While we’re on the topic, don’t be late again tonight, okay? I want to get in early enough to see Sexy Sandra before the band starts playing.

PROTAGONIST
The bartender? Is she…?

BEST FRIEND
She will be when I’m through with her.

BEST FRIEND winks directly at camera.

PROTAGONIST
I won’t be late. Promise.

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO WRITE TRANSITIONS I DIDN’T GO TO FILM SCHOOL, JERKS.

INT. A BAR/MUSIC VENUE – THAT NIGHT. PROBABLY KIND OF LATE. MAYBE LIKE 9 PM OR SOMETHING. IS THAT LATE? I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE. I WORK A LOT OF 6 AM SHIFTS, SO THAT FEELS LATE TO ME.

BEST FRIEND is at the bar, very obviously flirting with the bartender lady who is smoking hot and seems to be loving the attention. PROTAGONIST is awkwardly sipping like a rum and coke or some sort of low-key cocktail and glancing about the room. There are lots of cool hipster type people hanging out with each other and stuff. PROTAGONIST is the only person who is all alone and let’s just say he is not loving it.

He walks toward the jukebox to pick a song but really just to have something to occupy him. Just as he gets up to it and is reaching out, someone else gets their hands on it. It’s a cute, unassuming girl who is undeniably hot but doesn’t dress super flashy and carries herself in a chill way. PROTAGONIST is not hype about this.

PROTAGONIST
Do you mind?

CHILL GIRL
(apologetically)
Oh, shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.

PROTAGONIST
Well maybe pay attention to your surroundings next time.

CHILL GIRL
(very apologetically)
Again, I’m SO sorry. Would it help if I paid for your song?

PROTAGONIST
Well it certainly couldn’t hurt.

CHILL GIRL
Allow me.

She plays “Wonderwall.”

PROTAGONIST
(in shock and also impressed)
Holy cannoli! This is my favorite song of all time.

CHILL GIRL
Wait, really? It’s mine too! What a… bizarre… coincidence.

They share a prolonged look full of emotion but also hesitation? Lots of feelings are happening, but they’re ambiguous. Protagonist quickly breaks the gaze and looks at his shoes while rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s