The Real Reason Men Won’t Date Me Is Because I’m Just Too Amazing

It has long been a mystery to me why men do not find me appealing. “You’re so smart,” they tell me. “You’re so funny,” they say. “You’re a very attractive person. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Just as long as that person is not me.”

Not that I even care what any man thinks about me. I just have lost many nights of sleep pondering this conundrum, and it haunts me every second of every day. Or at least it did. Until I had a breakthrough and realized… men don’t want to date me because I am just too amazing.

It’s not that I’m smart, funny and good-looking, yet lack a certain quality that attracts most heterosexual men. It’s that I’m SO smart, funny and attractive that no man could ever measure up to the bar I have set. No man could ever feel deserving.

I used to find men’s romantic and sexual dismissal of me to be hurtful. Downright rude, at times. But now I look at the men who are rejecting me, and I pity them. Can you even imagine how distressing it must be to be approached by a person so beautiful and legendary that your own feelings of inferiority prevent you from ever being with that person? I can. Because I possess a level of empathic capability that no man could ever dream of attaining.

Sure I am brash and dramatic, and I never shut up about feminism. But it is impossible that these are romantic turn-offs to my legions of Platonic Male Friends. They are simply qualities that elevate me from “fuckable” to “unattainable”.

Yes, it’s true, and I’m so relieved to have finally figured it out. The real reason men don’t find me attractive is that they are terrified of how perfect I absolutely am.

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