Don’t Even Ask Me to Join Your Suicide Pact Until I’ve Had My Morning Coffee!

And even then, don’t expect me to accept until my second cup!


If there’s a chance of us burning together in a fiery damnation for eternity, you don’t want me to be grumpy, do you!

You know that I have to be in my right mind when I enter a life of everlasting hell… and no I don’t just mean decaf!

I swear our never ending nightmare of condemned ANGUISH will be no fun if I don’t have a little caffeine in my system!

You know me, I CAN’T even FOCUS on how to present myself to the satanic overlord of hell without my morning cuppa Joe!

If people were made to jump out of bed in the mornings, our demonic savior Beelzebub would have put espresso pumping through our veins!

And you just KNOW I won’t be able to appreciate the nuances of a lifetime of never ending pain and sorrow without my steaming hot mug of go juice!

LOL I swear I’m addicted, I’m SO bad!

I’m totally going to get a caffeine headache and I won’t be able to focus on drawing blood from the sacrificial White Virgins!

You REALLY don’t want me to be grouchy for our knife passing ceremony, do you?

So don’t even bother, silly! Because you know I just don’t have no motivation to take my own life, as well as the lives of several friends and strangers who are bound together by the guiding word of the omnipresent superior Dark One, until I get my sweet java!

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