Your Weekly Horoscope (Written by Someone in a Terrible Mood)

Welcome to your Weekly SuperGlooze Horoscope!

This week’s horoscopes were written while I was in a very bad mood. Please enjoy.

ARIES: Yeah, we all know. Your birthday is coming up.

TAURUS: Listen, that is not going to work. Okay fine, but you’re going to feel really dumb later.

GEMINI: I refuse to contribute to the disgusting amount of validation you’re getting.

CANCER: Hey, beautiful. Power on through. This too shall pass.

LEO: I mean… You’re trying.

VIRGO: Maybe just, like, take a nap. For the entire week. I feel like you need it as much as the rest of us need you to need it.

LIBRA: Here is a fun experiment for you to try. Walk into a room without having to announce your presence. Just try it. It might be a nice change.

SCORPIO: A cool secret is that sometimes other people have good things to say if you actually listen to them.

SAGITTARIUS: Please don’t freak out, but you really are not being as open-minded and chill as you think you are.

CAPRICORN: Your ambition is bordering on sleazy. Please tone it down.

AQUARIUS: Relax. You’ll get your mojo back soon.

PISCES: I’m okay. You’re okay. We’re all okay. There are no problems. Promise.

One thought on “Your Weekly Horoscope (Written by Someone in a Terrible Mood)

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